Do You Feel Safer Now?

Joe Duffy (JoeDuffy.net)

Thank you Department of Justice for
making the world safer for democracy.
Thank you United States Congress for protecting us all against our own
stupidity. The United States is winning the war against our greatest threat:
the boogie man.

Or at least the
bookie man.

First, the House
passed legislation that is designed to prevent you from using your credit to
place a bet and may even block out websites that have the audacity to take that
bet. Didn’t our own government lambaste China for doing the same thing?

A few years ago the
Supreme Court said it’s okay to have “virtual” child pornography because it was
simulated. That’s fine they ruled, but apparently playing poker for money is
not.

Republicans out of
the right side of their mouth preach personal responsibility. They also sing the virtues of creating new
ways to create tax revenue instead of simply raising taxes. Then out of the other right side of their
mouth, they demand a crackdown on online gambling because you are too stupid to
know gambling is the axis of all evil.

Democrats sermonize
about privacy. You should be able to do
whatever you want in the privacy of your own bedroom as long as you don’t
double down on 11. Out of the other left side of their mouth, many support the
Prohibition of the new century: betting.

What kind of country
do we live in when there is a greater outcry for the alleged privacy rights of
suspected terrorists who are not even citizens of the United States, yet minimal indignation when your basic civil
right to put your money where you mouth is becomes under attack from our own elected
bureaucracy?

The stuffed suits
talk about fears of fully legalized gambling leading to a progression of
addiction. There goes that kooky expectation
of individual accountability.

However, we know our
civil servants would never be hypocritical, so surely we can outlaw other
addictive vices such as alcohol again, credit cards, video games (not because
they are addicting, just because too many are idiotic), and cheesesteaks. Oh, and what is more addictive than Laura
Dhue, the blonde who puts the “fox” in Fox News? What in the name of Bill Frist
are we waiting for? Outlaw Laurie Dhue
now before I max out my credit cards buying any more HDTVs and VCRs so I can
have all Laurie, all the time.

The US will never catch Osama Bin Laden, but they got
their big fish, David Carruthers, CEO of previously unknown terrorist group
BETonSports. Reports say they are linked to an insurgency organization known as
Millennium Sports.

Curruthers
was arrested on a 22-count indictment of racketeering, conspiracy and
fraud. We can only assume the fraud
charge was a result of again making Peyton Manning a favorite in a playoff
game. We are still researching the reasons for the other charges. I sent an email to Judge Wapner.

I will let others
debate which laws are constitutional or can be enforced. We spend too much time dilly-dallying about
whether the government can stop you from placing a bet, rather than the real
issue of why they wish to have such a police state to begin with.

Will one of our
elected officials take time away from accepting bribes and explain to me why we
have laws to deter us from choosing to place a bet or not to place a bet?

Open appeal to Bill
O’Reilly or even Keith Olbermann and your 16 viewers: feel free to have me as a
guest on your show to expose the illogic of the Big Brother I never had… or
ever wanted. My email is joeduffyATjoeduffyDOTnet.

What say you Bill?

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