Well I made it to heaven via the Rapture. From the home offices of OffshoreInsiders.com here are the Top 10 early observations from eternal life

10. Led Zepplin has the No. 1 all-time song up here too

9. Hooters girls not as friendly. One already told me to go to hell.

8. Awkward moment: I confused Marilyn Monroe and Marilyn Manson

7. Founders of Heavenly Ham about to be slapped with large copyright infringement lawsuit

6. Telling somebody they are “down to earth” is considered a major insult up here

5. Chick Fil-A has limited Sunday hours

4. Michael Moore is working on a movie “Fahrenheit 521” that proves George Bush could have prevented the Armageddon but chose not to

3. Billy Jean King was not Michael Jackson’s lover, but is now. It was a match made in heaven

2. Milk and honey have no expiration dates

And the No. 1 early observation from eternal life is….

1. That Carly Simon song…It was about Karl Malden